The Story of How I Became a Cat Person: Hershey
Cat experts say that you don't choose a cat as an animal companion; the cat chooses you. I used to think I wasn't a cat person. Until a wonderful cat decided otherwise and transformed and enriched my life in amazing ways. Her name is Hershey.
I didn’t use to like cats or trust them very much; I always thought they were sneaky, aggressive and untrustworthy; not to mention uncaring, not capable of connecting with you as dogs can. This skewed perception came from several factors: the fact that I never had pets when I was a kid, as my mother was afraid of them, and didn’t want to deal with the potential mess they would make in her house, either (she’s OCD; that’s where I got it from); the fact that, although I had the opportunity to have dog companions later in life, this hadn’t happen with cats (yet); the fact that no one had ever taught me about cats or showed me how to interact with them; the fact that, whenever I had the opportunity to interact with cats and tried to awkwardly bond with them, I usually ended up by being badly scratched or bitten; the fact that many scary stories in our culture involve witches or other bad characters who own evil cats (usually black) that do their bidding; the fact that a black cat crossing your way is supposed to bring back luck; the fact that cats are often associated with health issues such as asthma, toxoplasmosis, etc.
So I spend a big chunk of my life cat-free. Then in 2009, when I was 46, I met my eventually-to-be husband Raul. He and his daughters had a dog named Minnie (a chihuahua/dachshund mix) with whom I immediately fell in love, and who got along very well with my dog Molly (a Ruby King Charles Cavalier I adopted when she was 4 years old from some neighbors who couldn’t take care of her anymore). They also had a cat named Hershey. I was OK with Hershey when I met her, but no lost love there. I thought she was beautiful and somewhat friendly. I thought it was funny that she would always greet my husband and his daughters by placing herself in front of their cars and slowly leading the way to the end of the driveway when they got home. I was kind to her as I try to be with all living beings, but I instantly discarded her as an animal I would never get too close to or feel connected with. About a year and a half later, Hershey’s human companion and I got married, and we decided that he would move out of the house where he had lived with his former wife and move into my house. And as we decided what to bring and what to get rid of, we also talked about his pets. He was bringing Minnie to live with us, but he knew I didn’t like cats and he didn’t feel that he should try to push Hershey on me. At that time, one of his daughters was living in a place that didn’t allow cats and the other went to college, so they couldn’t have Hershey, either. Now, in those days, as I mentioned before, I didn’t know about or understand many things about cats. I didn’t know that Hershey had been with my husband and his family for 9 years by that time (since she was a little kitten). I didn’t know cats got attached to their families; I always thought they were fiercely independent. I didn’t know that lots cats enjoy living with a family and inside a home; even the ones who also like to go outside. I actually thought that cats connected more with their territories outdoors than with people, and that taking a cat away from her territory wasn’t a good thing. It never crossed my mind that a cat can establish a new territory, once she gets used to the new place. And it never crossed my mind that Hershey would terribly miss her family.
So we started discussing options. My husband mentioned that his next door neighbor loved cats and would probably be willing to start taking care of Hershey when we moved; which she was. So, my husband got some essentials out of the house and moved into mine, leaving Hershey to his neighbor’s care. During the next 3 or 4 weeks, we continued going through a slow moving process; and the neighbor(ly) lady started feeding Hershey, letting her sleep in the garage (which is where Hershey was used to sleeping in my husband’s home) and inviting her inside to see if she’d get used to the other pets (two dogs and four cats). Although Hershey accepted the food and shelter, she didn’t feel comfortable with going inside the lady’s home. Hershey had always been a loner, and was quite territorial.
Also, whenever we showed up to get more things out of my husband’s house, Hershey would run to meet him and lead the car into the driveway, as always. Then she would run inside his house the minute we opened the door and hide somewhere, showing clear signs that she didn’t want to leave. My husband always had to go find her and place her outside when we were ready to leave for the day. One Summer afternoon, we didn’t find her anywhere, and since the garage door had been open for a couple of hours while we cleaned stuff out, we thought she had left. So we closed the garage and went back to my house. In the evening my husband received a call from his neighbor, letting him know that Hershey hadn’t showed up to eat and was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, we had the horrible feeling that she hadn’t left after all, and that we had carelessly closed her inside a hot garage in the middle of Summer, and then left her there all afternoon. My husband rushed back to his house (luckily we lived close by); and sure enough, she was still in his garage. He let her out to go eat and sleep at the neighbor’s and then came back home. I felt very bad about poor Hershey that day; I still cringe when I remember that incident. I think it was the first time my heart started opening to Hershey and her plight.
On one of the last moving trips we made to Raul’s home, Hershey rushed to meet us, as usual. Also as usual, the minute we opened the door she rushed in and hid, this time under his bed. At that point my heart was aching; I was starting to feel her pain and confusion. When it was time to leave, we both tried to get her to come out from under his bed, but she wouldn’t budge. Raul went to get some food from the neighbor to try to lure her out. I stayed in the bedroom and sat on the floor by the bed. I could see her crouching in one of its dark corners, looking scared and unsure. So I started talking to her. I mean, out loud, like I would talk to a person. I opened my heart and explained to her that I knew very little about cats, but it seemed to me that she didn’t want to stay behind, that maybe she wanted to come with us. I explained that it would be a different home in a completely strange area to her. And I said that, if she did want to be a part of our new family, I’d make it happen; I would adapt, learn whatever I needed to learn and do whatever I needed to do to bring her with us. And then I asked her for a sign. I needed her to let me know what she wanted to do.
At that very moment, Hershey came out from under the bed with her big, beautiful eyes still looking scared. But she came straight to me and let me hold and caress her. I was so touched by her response that I started crying. I apologized for having made her suffer and told her we were going home. At that moment, my husband came back in bringing some food, and followed by his neighbor. I mentioned what had just happened and told him I didn’t feel like we should leave her there after all; I felt she wanted to come with us. My husband was thrilled, and so was his neighbor, a true cat lady who knew all too well what I was just starting to realize about Hershey and about cats. That lady told me not to worry, she would get used to the new place soon enough, what mattered was that she’d be with her family. And so it was. For the first three days Hershey was scared and tentative at the new place, and spent most of her time hiding behind or under the furniture. But then she started relaxing and making certain areas of the new home her territory. After that, we started letting her out little by little, until she pretty much owned her new neighborhood... Soon enough, she was following us around when we took the dogs for a walk.
I have to say it hasn’t been all roses. I had a lot to learn about cats; how they like (and do not like) to be caressed, handled, approached, etc. I’ve had a lot of failing marks in the form of scratches and bites over the years. I’ve had to learn the hard way that you can’t interact with cats the way you do with dogs. Dogs are marvelous animals who are flexible enough to relate to us on our terms; cats, however, are marvelous animals who relate to us on their own terms. And vive la différence!
Of course, Hershey the territorial loner also had a lot to deal with and get used to, as we adopted our second cat, Thai; and eventually started taking care of several rescue cats, some of which ended up living in our porch for a while and then being integrated into out household (for part of the day, at least), and some in shelters around our home. It hasn’t been easy for her or any of us; but when she gets too fussy about the whole situation, I remind her that it all started because of her; and also that she is, and always will be, my number one cat. So, with all the new circumstances we’ve had to adapt to, one thing hasn’t changed: the beautiful bond Hershey and I were able to create between ourselves (to the point that we became a lot closer than she is with my husband); and the immense gratitude I still feel towards her, for having been the first cat in my life; the one who introduced me to their amazing and wondrous world.
Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 08/09/2016
Photo: Hershey The Queen of the Universe in my armchair with Molly The Ruby Cavalier, the only other animal in our household that Hershey tolerates, and may even like...
Update: Hershey passed away on January 26, 2022, being loved and well-cared-for all the way to the end. As of 05/02/2022, we still care for 10 cats.
Cat experts say that you don't choose a cat as an animal companion; the cat chooses you. I used to think I wasn't a cat person. Until a wonderful cat decided otherwise and transformed and enriched my life in amazing ways. Her name is Hershey.
I didn’t use to like cats or trust them very much; I always thought they were sneaky, aggressive and untrustworthy; not to mention uncaring, not capable of connecting with you as dogs can. This skewed perception came from several factors: the fact that I never had pets when I was a kid, as my mother was afraid of them, and didn’t want to deal with the potential mess they would make in her house, either (she’s OCD; that’s where I got it from); the fact that, although I had the opportunity to have dog companions later in life, this hadn’t happen with cats (yet); the fact that no one had ever taught me about cats or showed me how to interact with them; the fact that, whenever I had the opportunity to interact with cats and tried to awkwardly bond with them, I usually ended up by being badly scratched or bitten; the fact that many scary stories in our culture involve witches or other bad characters who own evil cats (usually black) that do their bidding; the fact that a black cat crossing your way is supposed to bring back luck; the fact that cats are often associated with health issues such as asthma, toxoplasmosis, etc.
So I spend a big chunk of my life cat-free. Then in 2009, when I was 46, I met my eventually-to-be husband Raul. He and his daughters had a dog named Minnie (a chihuahua/dachshund mix) with whom I immediately fell in love, and who got along very well with my dog Molly (a Ruby King Charles Cavalier I adopted when she was 4 years old from some neighbors who couldn’t take care of her anymore). They also had a cat named Hershey. I was OK with Hershey when I met her, but no lost love there. I thought she was beautiful and somewhat friendly. I thought it was funny that she would always greet my husband and his daughters by placing herself in front of their cars and slowly leading the way to the end of the driveway when they got home. I was kind to her as I try to be with all living beings, but I instantly discarded her as an animal I would never get too close to or feel connected with. About a year and a half later, Hershey’s human companion and I got married, and we decided that he would move out of the house where he had lived with his former wife and move into my house. And as we decided what to bring and what to get rid of, we also talked about his pets. He was bringing Minnie to live with us, but he knew I didn’t like cats and he didn’t feel that he should try to push Hershey on me. At that time, one of his daughters was living in a place that didn’t allow cats and the other went to college, so they couldn’t have Hershey, either. Now, in those days, as I mentioned before, I didn’t know about or understand many things about cats. I didn’t know that Hershey had been with my husband and his family for 9 years by that time (since she was a little kitten). I didn’t know cats got attached to their families; I always thought they were fiercely independent. I didn’t know that lots cats enjoy living with a family and inside a home; even the ones who also like to go outside. I actually thought that cats connected more with their territories outdoors than with people, and that taking a cat away from her territory wasn’t a good thing. It never crossed my mind that a cat can establish a new territory, once she gets used to the new place. And it never crossed my mind that Hershey would terribly miss her family.
So we started discussing options. My husband mentioned that his next door neighbor loved cats and would probably be willing to start taking care of Hershey when we moved; which she was. So, my husband got some essentials out of the house and moved into mine, leaving Hershey to his neighbor’s care. During the next 3 or 4 weeks, we continued going through a slow moving process; and the neighbor(ly) lady started feeding Hershey, letting her sleep in the garage (which is where Hershey was used to sleeping in my husband’s home) and inviting her inside to see if she’d get used to the other pets (two dogs and four cats). Although Hershey accepted the food and shelter, she didn’t feel comfortable with going inside the lady’s home. Hershey had always been a loner, and was quite territorial.
Also, whenever we showed up to get more things out of my husband’s house, Hershey would run to meet him and lead the car into the driveway, as always. Then she would run inside his house the minute we opened the door and hide somewhere, showing clear signs that she didn’t want to leave. My husband always had to go find her and place her outside when we were ready to leave for the day. One Summer afternoon, we didn’t find her anywhere, and since the garage door had been open for a couple of hours while we cleaned stuff out, we thought she had left. So we closed the garage and went back to my house. In the evening my husband received a call from his neighbor, letting him know that Hershey hadn’t showed up to eat and was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, we had the horrible feeling that she hadn’t left after all, and that we had carelessly closed her inside a hot garage in the middle of Summer, and then left her there all afternoon. My husband rushed back to his house (luckily we lived close by); and sure enough, she was still in his garage. He let her out to go eat and sleep at the neighbor’s and then came back home. I felt very bad about poor Hershey that day; I still cringe when I remember that incident. I think it was the first time my heart started opening to Hershey and her plight.
On one of the last moving trips we made to Raul’s home, Hershey rushed to meet us, as usual. Also as usual, the minute we opened the door she rushed in and hid, this time under his bed. At that point my heart was aching; I was starting to feel her pain and confusion. When it was time to leave, we both tried to get her to come out from under his bed, but she wouldn’t budge. Raul went to get some food from the neighbor to try to lure her out. I stayed in the bedroom and sat on the floor by the bed. I could see her crouching in one of its dark corners, looking scared and unsure. So I started talking to her. I mean, out loud, like I would talk to a person. I opened my heart and explained to her that I knew very little about cats, but it seemed to me that she didn’t want to stay behind, that maybe she wanted to come with us. I explained that it would be a different home in a completely strange area to her. And I said that, if she did want to be a part of our new family, I’d make it happen; I would adapt, learn whatever I needed to learn and do whatever I needed to do to bring her with us. And then I asked her for a sign. I needed her to let me know what she wanted to do.
At that very moment, Hershey came out from under the bed with her big, beautiful eyes still looking scared. But she came straight to me and let me hold and caress her. I was so touched by her response that I started crying. I apologized for having made her suffer and told her we were going home. At that moment, my husband came back in bringing some food, and followed by his neighbor. I mentioned what had just happened and told him I didn’t feel like we should leave her there after all; I felt she wanted to come with us. My husband was thrilled, and so was his neighbor, a true cat lady who knew all too well what I was just starting to realize about Hershey and about cats. That lady told me not to worry, she would get used to the new place soon enough, what mattered was that she’d be with her family. And so it was. For the first three days Hershey was scared and tentative at the new place, and spent most of her time hiding behind or under the furniture. But then she started relaxing and making certain areas of the new home her territory. After that, we started letting her out little by little, until she pretty much owned her new neighborhood... Soon enough, she was following us around when we took the dogs for a walk.
I have to say it hasn’t been all roses. I had a lot to learn about cats; how they like (and do not like) to be caressed, handled, approached, etc. I’ve had a lot of failing marks in the form of scratches and bites over the years. I’ve had to learn the hard way that you can’t interact with cats the way you do with dogs. Dogs are marvelous animals who are flexible enough to relate to us on our terms; cats, however, are marvelous animals who relate to us on their own terms. And vive la différence!
Of course, Hershey the territorial loner also had a lot to deal with and get used to, as we adopted our second cat, Thai; and eventually started taking care of several rescue cats, some of which ended up living in our porch for a while and then being integrated into out household (for part of the day, at least), and some in shelters around our home. It hasn’t been easy for her or any of us; but when she gets too fussy about the whole situation, I remind her that it all started because of her; and also that she is, and always will be, my number one cat. So, with all the new circumstances we’ve had to adapt to, one thing hasn’t changed: the beautiful bond Hershey and I were able to create between ourselves (to the point that we became a lot closer than she is with my husband); and the immense gratitude I still feel towards her, for having been the first cat in my life; the one who introduced me to their amazing and wondrous world.
Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 08/09/2016
Photo: Hershey The Queen of the Universe in my armchair with Molly The Ruby Cavalier, the only other animal in our household that Hershey tolerates, and may even like...
Update: Hershey passed away on January 26, 2022, being loved and well-cared-for all the way to the end. As of 05/02/2022, we still care for 10 cats.